I have made a little bit of a achievement in my life and style recently and I wanted to share it with you.
Since about 11 years old I have not felt comfortable enough with my body to wear dresses. I mean I was never a super girly girl to want to wear dresses anyway but as I got older I realised how I actually wanted to wear them but just didn't feel comfortable enough.
I've always thought I've got the body of a boy and that dresses just emphasised my boy-like body. This was all because I have very small boobs. I always knew this was irrational- me being flat chested does not mean I am any less of a woman. But because of this I always refused to try dresses just because I felt like a pre-pubescent boy. In fact, this was one of the main reasons why I didn't go to my Year 11 prom when I finished secondary school: I didn't want to wear a dress.
The past 6 months I'd say I've been having a bit of a weird relationship with dresses. I decided I wanted to try and start wearing them for special occasions but it was going to be a long journey. First of all, I couldn't find dresses I liked. I am not a very girly-girl and love the gothic/alternative/rocker style so I couldn't find one I actually liked. But then when I did find one, it just wouldn't fit me! Because of my figure a usual size for me would fit my waist and length but would be baggy around my small boobs. Yet if I tried to go down a size, it would fit my boobs but not the rest of me. All of this was very embarrassing and humiliating for me and I stopped trying for a while.
Then in January I finally had a breakthrough. On an impulse I bought a dress from Blue Banana as it was on sale. I tried it on when it arrived and I nearly cried tears of happiness. It actually fit me! Not only did it fit me but it also didn't seem to emphasise my lack of breasts or figure in general. This may sound like nothing special to anyone else but to me it was great. I finally felt a bit more like a woman and I had found something I genuinely liked. At 17 years old I FINALLY wore a dress!
Since then I've managed to find another dress that fits me which I am going to wear around my birthday.
I still struggle with confidence about my boobs but now I have become more confident that I can pull of dresses like any other woman and that I do not look like a boy. I am as much as a woman as anyone else who identifies as a woman and I shouldn't feel put down.
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